I sighed looking out over the pastures. They held tears, kisses, sweat, and most of all, broken promises. I remember the very day I saw this pasture, and the promises that came with it. But now, well, there are no more promises, only heartache.
I didn't regret my decision to buy this ranch. I enjoyed the work that came with it, and the friends that helped keep it running.
I smiled as I thought of the people who had kept my head above water, and my ass in a home. Jake, well he's like an older brother to me, always in a good mood, and willing to work. I always gave him crap for his dimples that were always present on his face.
Paul is my hot tempered, always gonna tell ya what's on my mind even if you don’t like it, friend. He enjoyed working on the ranch because it gave him muscles, the muscles led to the girls that paraded themselves in and right back out of the bunk house.
Quil was the quiet one of the bunch. We all grew up together, and weren't very welcoming to anyone to tried to join our group. Girls loved the guys, and hated me, because I was always with the guys.
Yeah, I was the hot bitch that hung out with ‘em, and had them wrapped around my little finger. Of course, there was one that was even more so.
Embry…
I felt a tear slide down my cheek at the name of my lost love. This ranch was all his idea, his goal, his dream. It took us forever to find a ranch he liked, but once he saw this one, it was like love at first site.
That same day we went to the bank and filled out the paper work. Within a month, we owned a ranch and moved all the horses and cattle over from his dads’ small farm.
Everything was going great, or so I thought. We hired all of our friends and built small houses on the property for them to live in. We hired Leah as our vet, who quickly fell in love with Jake. Leah and I took care of the guys, always keeping up on feeding them and laundry. In some ways, it was like we were raising teenage boys on the ranch.
Almost a year after we bought the ranch, things started going downhill. Embry started pulling away from me, acting cold and never wanting to be at the ranch.
Then I woke up one morning to an empty, cold bed. I slipped out of bed and went to the kitchen,
opening windows as I went. It was gonna be a hot day for the spring, but wasn't gonna be hot enough for the air conditioner quite yet.
My bare feet hit the cool wooden floor in the kitchen and I smiled at the coolness. I was very glad we decided to take the nasty ass carpet out of here and replace it with the wood floor. Whoever would want carpet in their kitchen, well I'm pretty fucking sure they were dropped a few times as a child.
I saw no sign of Embry and figured he was out doing chores, so I went on with my morning routine; getting food out for breakfast to feed the guys and Leah, going back upstairs to change into my worn in blue jeans and a tank top, and finally making my way back downstairs to start cooking.
I had just pulled the food off the stove when my screen door made a loud banging noise.
“In here!” I yelled, knowing full well everyone would know where I was. I heard them all shuffle
inside, and finally turned around when no one said anything.
Paul and Jake looked like they might kill someone, Quil looked unsure of what to do and Leah looked like she might be ready to cry. I did a double take, noticing Embry wasn't with the group.
“What's going on? Where's Embry?” I asked, feeling my chest tighten up. My mind flashing through all the things that went wrong, from a cow taking him down while checking calves, to a car accident. “Guys!” I finally yelled when no one answered.
Leah stepped forward, handing me a piece of grain bag I hadn't seen in her hands. I had to reread the note, sure that I was misreading it.
“Bella.” Jake spoke softly. I looked up from the note, a silent tear running down my cheek. I looked back down, and read the note one more time.
There on the brown paper, it had the worst of my fears. I would know the handwriting from anywhere, but didn't want to believe what it was telling me, very simple, and to the point, where the words that shattered my life, my being. Embry left, with no promise of ever returning. He didn't want us to look for him, for we wouldn't be able to find him.
I closed my fist around the paper, listening to it tear as I did so. I turned around, ignoring the yells of my name as I walked out the front door.
I walked straight to the stalls, grabbing a halter and lead rope along the way. I opened the first stall I came to, haltering the horse and jumping on. I squeezed my legs, hanging on as the horse leapt forward, carrying me away from the house, and out to the pastures.
Everything came to focus as the horse slowed to a walk and then stopping. I looked through blurry vision to find that I was about two miles from the house. Well no wonder the horse slowed down. I slid off the sweaty horse, and sat in the grass. I looked around at what I once thought was a beautiful pasture.
I knew that everything changed. I felt a concrete wall being built around my heart. I felt my whole being harden, no longer caring.
I looked up and for the first time, noticed that I had jumped on Embry's horse, Copenhagen. I growled, pulling myself back up and headed back towards the house. I cooled down his horse once we made it back, and checked for any injuries that may have happened in my dumbass moment.
Once that was done, I made my way back to the house. Everyone was sitting at the table, looking
at nothing, but probably everything at the same time. The food sat on the counter, untouched. Two pictures hung on the wall, one of all of us as a group, and one of just Embry and me.
I felt myself stalking to the picture, I felt my hand reach up and grab the picture. I screamed while throwing it at the wall and laughing as the glass rained down on the floor. Everyone snapped their heads towards me, looking at me like I had lost my damn mind. Hell, I probably did. My eyes quickly
looked towards the door, waiting for the nice guys in white suits to push their way through, before tying my hands behind my back and carrying me off towards the white padded walls.
The image made me laugh harder, until I could barely breathe. Everyone looked too scared to even
come towards me. I let out another scream, almost wanting to cover my own ears from the shrill sound. I'm pretty sure I even heard the dogs howling outside.
I felt arms around me, and started kicking and screaming. I didn't want to be touched, I didn't want to be comforted; I just didn't want to be here.
“Bella, calm down.” I heard Jake's, soft, but commanding voice. I stopped fighting, I just went limp. I screamed and cried for what felt like hours, maybe even days. Jake carried me up to my room, and softly laid me on the bed before leaving. His arms were quickly replaced by Leah's. I laid there and cried 'til I had nothing left to cry, and Leah held be through it all. She became my rock from that day forward.
When I decided to face reality, I looked around my room. Everything reminded me of Embry. I stood up and looked at Leah, who nodded in silent agreement. I looked at my left hand, seeing the once beautiful engagement ring. It felt heavy, like all of a sudden it was what was going to help me drown in my misery. I slid it off my finger, and laid it on the dresser.
That was the last time I cried, the last time I really felt anything. Everything changed, from the colors of the barns, to the animals and even stuff throughout the house.
Our cattle herd tripled, our horses doubled, and our profits went sky high. That day, I stopped living for anything except for the ranch. I worked myself to the bone, from dawn to dusk. Of course our friends changed as well. Embry was a big part of our group, always smiling and laughing.
Alcohol became my best friend, day in and day out. If I wasn't working, I was drinking.
I became angry with everything around me. When I did go out, I always got into fights. Finally my friends stopped inviting me to go.
In some ways we grew closer as a group. All of us felt the betrayal of Embry just up and leaving, with no explanation of what was going on. I suppose some people think we blamed each other, but in the group, we all knew there was nothing we could have done. Embry made up his mind, he was a big boy.
Our lives went on. We all became crazy, always drinking at night around a huge ass fire. We kept to ourselves, shutting out the world. It just felt safer that way.
Six months after he left, the only trace of Embry that was left, was the pain we each felt. Drinking dulled the pain, passing out only brought the nightmares. The next morning, I would wake up with puffy, swollen eyes. I'd take a shower, get dressed, add vodka to my OJ, head out the door and start my day. That was the new normal for everyone.
A year after he left, the pain was less than before, but the drinking increased instead. One night, it was raining like hell outside, so we stayed in, deciding to catch up on the outside world. Of course Quil and Paul wanted to watch the PBR, and they won. We were sitting there watching when all of a sudden my vision went red.
I rubbed my eyes, just to make sure I had read the fucking screen correctly. I wasn't sure if I was happy, or extremely pissed off.
I felt the red hot pain rush through my arm, and the cracking of the wall at the same time I heard the TV announcer start talking again.
“Next, we have a young man from Oklahoma. Now ladies and gentlemen, this young man grew up in a
small town called Sweet Water, down in Texas. He broke into the bull riding at an older age, but that hasn't stopped this twenty-four year old. Embry Call is ranked within the top twenty riders and working his way up.”
“That fucking prick! That's what he left me for!” I screamed. I couldn't believe it. I walked over to the TV, giving it one hell of a kick and smiled as it came crashing to the floor.
“If only that was your fucking face dickhead.”
We didn't watch TV after that, not that there was one to watch. And once again, life went on.
I pulled myself to the present when Copenhagen nickered at me. Yeah, everything that reminded me of Embry was gone, but I just couldn't bring myself to sell Copenhagen. I smiled and placed myself in the stirrup. I laughed a little at myself, as I started sliding off the other side. I guess the alcohol didn't quite work its way out from last night.
I clicked at Copenhagen and headed towards the house. I handed my horse off to Quil and went to grab a fresh horse. Yes, since Embry left, Copenhagen became mine bitches.
I grabbed the fresh horse and met Paul at the fences.
“Ready to check the herd on the north side?” I asked him.
“Lead the way.”
I quickly nudged Sunny forward, loping the short distance to the north side. It took us a couple hours to make sure all the calves were matched up and we weren't missing any pairs. Once that was finished, we made our way back towards the house. The closer we got, the more yelling I heard.
Paul and I looked towards each other before taking off running towards the house. I wasn't ready for the site that I rode upon.
Quil was screaming at someone that had their back towards us and holding his right hand. I have never known Quil to raise his voice, let alone fucking punch someone. This guy must have really pissed Quil off.
“Fuck Quil!” I knew that voice. I flew off my horse, running up and shoving the guy.
“Be happy he fucking punched you first!” I screamed. Embry turned around looking at me, shocked.
“Bella?”
“No! You don't get to say my name! You don't get to come in here acting like nothing happened! Three years. Three fucking years you put my life through hell! You just up and left, no good bye, no reason why, nothing!” I pushed my way past him, only for him to grab my left arm. “Let go.” I stated calmly.
“No, we need to talk.”
I felt my muscle twitch and tense, before it sprung forward and clocked Embry in the jaw. “No, we really don't. Now get off my property!” I ran to the house, up to my room and grabbed my swimming suit. I stumbled and tripped myself a couple times between stripping and getting my bikini on.
I grabbed a towel and my straw hat on my way out, and went back outside. No one could be seen, so I made my way to the barn, and grabbed Copenhagen. I haltered him, placed my towel on his back and jumped on.
We made our way to the lake at an easy trot. I enjoyed the easy pace Copenhagen was going, and didn't need to guild him. I'm sure I would have run us into a tree with the shit-storm going on in my head right now.
Once we got there, I sat up and pulled my towel out from under me, throwing it on the ground before nudging Copenhagen towards the water. He saw the lake, and all but ran into the water. I laughed and hung on to his mane as he played in the water.
After about fifteen minutes, I pulled him out and led him towards the grass. I threw the rope across his back, and left him to graze.
I made my way back towards the water and slowly walked deeper into the water. I was enjoying myself when I heard Copenhagen whinny. I looked up to see Embry standing there, petting him. I started marching towards him, easier said than done in water, and got close enough to him that I could hit him again. My right hand twitched in anticipation.
“You have some fucking balls to show up here!”
“Bella, please just listen.” I looked at him like he was crazy.
“I have to reason to listen to you. No fucking reason to even talk to you! Leave.”
“No.”
“No?” I tightened my arm and raised it, but he caught it.
“Ok I get it! I get that I fucked up, and I get that you feel the need to punch me. Fuck! I want to punch myself.” He said calmly.
He closed his hand around mine. The warmth from his hand felt like it was melting the ice that formed around my heart, around my soul. I lost it. I broke down crying, screaming and yelling like an insane person.
“I hate you!”
He pulled me towards him, wrapping his warm arms around me. I melted into him, missing everything about him. I missed his woodsy smell, his warmth, his strength. I shoved towards him. I moved on with my life!
“I hate you!” I screamed again. He held on tighter, kissing my forehead, cheeks, and everywhere he could reach. My body gave up, going limp against him. I heard him grunt as he supported all of my weight.
He slowly lowered us to the ground and pulled me to his side. I curled against him, my lips meeting his side. I whimpered when he trailed his hand down my back. Goose bumps broke out all over my body, but not because I was cold. It was from the need of wanting Embry.
“I missed you.” He whispered against my ear. His hand landed on my hip, massing it. I could feel his want, his need going harder then steel against my stomach. I ran my hand under his shirt, needing to feel him. As my hand rose up, so did his shirt.
I quickly made him lift up to take his shirt off. As he pulled his shirt off, I smashed my lips to his. I waited three years to just touch him again. Even if he left me again, I wanted to remember this one last time. I knew it would hurt in the morning, but that's what alcohols for, right?
I moaned into his mouth when his hand hit my hot center. He quickly untied the side of my bikini
bottoms, and started rubbing my center. His fingers felt the same as I always remembered them, yet a million times better.
I rolled us so he was under me, and moved my hips in a slow motion, grinding myself on him, seeking out the friction I desperately wanted.
I couldn't take it any longer, and ran my hands down his well fitted chest, down to his jeans. I made quick work of undoing the button, and moving the zipper down. I moaned when he raised his hips up and shimmed his jeans down. I almost came when I noticed he wasn't wearing underwear.
I felt myself getting even more wet for him and wanted to cry out loud when I felt his pre-cum mix with my wetness.
“I still hate you.” I ground out, slamming myself down onto his dick. I felt a tear escape, and my body trying to adjust to his size.
“Fuck baby! You’re so warm.... and tight.... and oh my fuck!” He took the words right out of my
mouth. I moved my body against him, faster and harder. And the faster and harder I went, the more pissed off I got. He left me!
“You left me.” I ground out. He lifted his hips, the sound of skin slapping skin loud and clear.
“I was protecting you.”
“I'm a big fucking girl; I can take care of myself.” I yelled.
“That I can tell.” I knew he was remembering when I punched him. I couldn't help the smirk that
worked its way onto my face. It went as fast as it came. I felt the coil build up in my stomach, and gasped. I haven't felt that in three years.
I saw stars as the coil exploded in my stomach, the muscles in my body tensing. Embry took a
shuddered breath, before going still. I laid across Embry, completely spent.
Embry rolled us over so he was hovering above me, staying connected the whole time. I was shocked when I felt him hardening again. I slowly rocked my hips against him, well ready for round two.
“Bella, I love you. I left to protect you. Edward Cullen, he threatened to kill you if I didn't listen to him. I just couldn't risk your life. Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It killed me, every single fucking day.”
I had heard of Edward Cullen. He was a high roller, throwing money here and there. He was into drugs, and wasn't afraid to get blood on his hands. “Why didn't you go to the police? Sam would have helped you.” I whispered.
“Sam is a partner with Edward; it would have done me no good. It would have put you in more risk, and I just couldn't chance it. I'm so sorry baby.”
I pulled him to me, hanging onto him for dear life. I was afraid that if I let him go, he'd float away and never return. Embry made love to me, whispering how much he loved me and never wanted to leave me, and he would never do it again.
After a while, we got dressed again. I smiled as he grabbed Copenhagen, swinging himself up. He
grabbed my hand, pulling me up behind him. I snuggled into his back, never wanted to let go. We made our way back towards the house, quietly talking to each other.
Not all was forgotten, but it was a good start. Tomorrow was still a question hanging in the air, but together we could make it.
Because my cowboy was taking me away from the pain.
No comments:
Post a Comment