Chapter One

Bella

They say you don't know what you have until it's gone. If that's the case, then I would know better then anybody.

I lost Edward because I wasn't good enough. I should have seen it sooner. The Cullen's are beautiful. I'm just plain, standing at about five foot four inches, chocolate brown eyes, and mahogany waist length hair. A plain human that got myself into a world that I never knew existed.

Alice being small and pixie like, with spiky black hair. Energy that could tire even a vampire. Her love of shopping and fashion, which I never liked personally myself. Her loving husband Jasper who never got the credit he deserved. I knew he never wanted to hurt me let alone kill me at my eighteenth birthday party. I forgave him the moment it happened. Him being an empath, I could tell he felt everyone's blood lust when I cut myself, it was probably worse feeling Edward's since my blood called to him. Jasper was a loving soul that would do anything for his Alice, and his southern charm just helped him out a little more.

Rosalie with her bombshell body that could make any model's self-esteem drop ten points just by looking at her. Her beautiful blond hair that went to the middle of her back and legs that went on for miles. Just to add to the fire, she knew more about cars then the people that made them probably. I never got to really know her, she was always a bitch towards me. Edward once said that she was like that because I was choosing my death by hanging out with vampires. I never knew Rosalie's story on why she was changed, I just knew she didn't want it. The only thing that kept her from committing suicide is her child-like husband Emmett. There's a guy that could scare the shit out of you just by looking at him. But once you got to know him, all you could see was a loving teddy bear. He cared greatly for his family and would do anything for them. He was the brother I never knew I wanted, but was glad that I had.

Carlisle with his compassion to help anybody no matter what fate has thrown at him. He wanted to make himself better then he should have been when he was changed. He didn't want to be the monster, but wanted to help people, so he chose a different road that many vampires looked down on him for. Saying it wasn't natural, and he shouldn't be going against nature. But it did and got a great family out of it. Esme, the mother I never had. You could just see the love radiating out of her for her family. She had so much love that when you where around her, you almost forgot about all the hate this cruel world had.

Then there's my love, Edward. His copper colored hair, and golden eyes that could dazzle me speechless. He was everything I needed or wanted. When he left me, my world shattered. I knew I wasn't good enough for him, I was just hoping he never realized it. How wrong I was. Just the sound of his name, makes the whole in my chest blaze into a fire that is nothing compared to when James bit me. This fire proves its point of what I have lost, not like the fire that James caused, proving what I would be gaining.

I try not to think about the family I lost, but I'm scared shitless to forget. To forget the golden eyes I fell in love with throughout the family, the love and care they held for each other. The way their voices sounded like bells, and just being around them made the "real world" cease to exist. It was just my family of vampires and me.
After they left, I became a shell of a person. I had lost so much to even wrap my mind around it. I laid around the house, going to school when I needed to and only spoke when talked to directly. I withdrew from my friends, never in their conversations or even accepting their plans. Eventually they gave up. I figured if I didn't involve myself, I couldn't lose anymore.

I finished out high school at Forks and got accepted to University of Washington in Seattle to Major in Italian Studies. Since I didn't have a lot of stuff, it would all fit into the back of my truck so I would only have to make one trip. Putting the last of my things in my truck, Charlie walked out.

"I know it hasn't been easy the last couple of months, but maybe getting out of Forks will help." With just that one sentence, I could hear all the pain I caused my father. I didn't want to cause him pain. He had been my one constant since they left.

"Ya know, I think your right dad. Thanks for being there for me, I know it hasn't been easy on you either." I knew right then that things needed to change.

I hugged Charlie bye, getting in my truck and starting the drive to my new beginning.

On the drive there, memories flooded my mind, memories I never wanted to remember. "Bella, I don't want you to come with me." Of course I knew it meant that he didn't want me. "I've let this go on much to long." I wanted more time. "Your not good for me Bella." I knew I wasn't good enough. "Don't do anything reckless or stupid." And lastly my personal favorite "It'll be like I never existed."

Bullshit, you fucking existed. I have the pain to prove it, I have the scar on my wrist to fucking prove it. As for not doing anything stupid or reckless, how could I? Edward was always there, catching me if I tripped, making sure nothing was hurting me. Last I checked I managed seventeen fucking years without Edward.

That's when it hit me, I didn't need Edward. Looking back now, Edward took the pansy ass way out. He left when things got hard. He was the one that wasn't fucking good enough, not me.

By the time I had this all figured out, I was pulling onto campus. I was done being the small little girl that everyone walked over. I was no longer Edward's pet. That last thought just pissed me off and made me want to make a change even faster. Starting today, things will be different.

I pulled out the information from my glove box that had my class schedule and housing arrangements. I followed the directions to the south campus, and finally found Stevens Court where I would call "home" for the next nine months. The buildings were five stories tall with brick around the bottom, the middle a reddish color with the top a tan color. I found my correct building and apartment. Luckily my apartment was on the second floor so I didn't have a long ways to haul all my stuff up.

I arrived earlier then I had planned and hoped that I wasn't the first one here. I knew I had three other room-mates and it was either going to make me so insane, or I was going to end up with good friends.

Grabbing my key, I slid it into the lock to unlock the door, then opened the door. Walking in, I could see a clear view of the living room, dining room and kitchen. Looking to my right I saw a storage area, a washer and dryer area, a short hallway with two doors then another hallway going to the left. To the left side I saw the same layout. I heard a noise in the kitchen area, and blew out a breath, glad I wasn't the first.

"Hello?" I called out.

"Ya, in the kitchen!" She called out. I headed straight to the kitchen and saw a girl a couple inches taller then me, with brown hair that came about half way down her back with beautiful sky blue eyes. Just looking at her I think my pinkie was bigger then she was. She looked like someone you could have fun with.

"Uh... Hi, I'm Bella." I introduced myself.

"Hi Bella, I'm Crystal. Besides you and me, no one else has showed up. Would you like to pick your room? "

"Sure." I followed her to the hallway where she took a left.

"I picked this room over here." The room she picked was the first room before you went down another hallway. The only thing separating the two rooms was a bathroom.

"K, I'll just take the room at the end then. We'll leave the other two for the other side. I'm just gonna start bringing my stuff in." I replied heading back towards the main door.

"Sure. Do you need any help?" I nodded my agreement and we headed back outside. With both of us it only took us about fifteen minutes to carry everything in. Crystal even helped me unpack my stuff before we headed back to the living room. This was the first time I really looked around. The living area had a couch, chair, entertainment center with a smaller TV, and a coffee table. In the dining area it had a circular table with an island heading into the kitchen.

"So, I don't know about you Bella, but I'm hungry and too lazy to cook." She laughed out and I joined her and totally agreed. We ordered pizza to be delivered to us while we relaxed. "So where are you from Bella?"

I guess it's time we got to know each other, we really seemed to hit it right off.

"I'm actually from Forks, a couple hours away from here, you?"

"I'm actually from here." I gave her a look, trying to figure out why she didn't continue to live with her parents.

"My grandmother got sick and my parents moved to Wyoming to help her, so that's why I live here." Ah, made sense now. "So do you have a boyfriend back home?" Ouch, question I didn't want to answer. Crystal must have seen the pain that flashed across my face because she quickly answered with, "I don't have one. I enjoy the nightlife of being single."

"No, I don't have one. I haven't had one since Ed... Edward. He moved the beginning of my senior year." She nodded in understanding. "Ya know, on my drive here I was really thinking things through. It was time to change things, so next time you go out, if you don't mind, I'd like to join ya." Crystal got a huge grin on her face and we made plans to go out tomorrow night since it would be Friday.

We talked the rest of the night getting to know each other before deciding to watch Step Up. We were halfway through the movie when we heard the front door open. We paused the movie to welcome our third room-mate. Walking down the hallway, I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw who it was. It was none other than Lauren fucking Mallory.

"Lauren?" I screeched.

"Oh fuck my life! Please tell me your not my room-mate?" She was a bitch in high school , did I really expect her to change? No.

"Well Crystal, I'm glad she'll be on the other side of the house." I said before walking away. I vaguely heard Crystal introduce herself before coming back into the living room. Ha, she didn't offer to help Lauren.

"I'm taking it you two know each other?" She asked me while sitting down.

"Yeah. When I transferred to Forks High, a guy named Tyler really liked me, well Lauren liked him and he didn't show her the time of day, so she became a bitch to me. And it just got worse after The Cullen's moved away." I whispered the last part, while getting up and heading to my bedroom. It still hurt to think about them, but hopefully that would change, and soon.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I woke up the next morning to some banging in the living room. Not really being a morning person, I was pissed. I threw on a pair of jeans and a tank top. No point in dressing up. I walked out of my room and heard a voice I didn't know so I figured it was our last room-mate. "Well you'll probably like Crystal, but Bella, well if you have a boyfriend just watch out for her." I heard Lauren say and it just pissed me off even more. I walked into the kitchen to grab a strawberry pop tart I brought from home and started eating it. I looked into the living area to see a girl with shoulder length brown hair and blue eyes. She was about the same built as I am, maybe just a little thinner, but the same height.

"Hi I'm Bella." I introduced myself.

"Hi, Victoria." The red hair, the name, brought back memories. Even though I knew this wasn't that Victoria, it still scared the shit out of me. Of course I knew she would come for me some day, it was just a matter of when. I heard Lauren say bye and head out the door, and Victoria just looked at me. "Is she always such a bitch? I don't even know you and I can just tell by looking at you your not the girl she painted you to be."

"Yeah she is. We went to high school together and she just never grew up." I mumbled.

"Ah, high school drama. I think she'll probably will be the only one I don't like. Crystal is really nice. She invited me to join you guys tonight if you don't mind?"

"That would be really cool if you joined us. More fun that way. Did she invite Lauren?" I just had to ask.

"Um, actually, Lauren started talking shit about you this morning and Crystal called her a bitch. So I don't think she plans on asking Lauren to join us." I had to laugh at that and Victoria soon joined in. The rest of the day I helped Victoria unpack, and when Crystal got back, we got ready for tonight.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crystal decided to dress me in an ice blue halter dress that had a circle between my breasts that the string wrapped around to tie around my neck, and she paired it with knee high black heeled boots. They did a light grey eye shadow for my eyes making them look smokey and let my hair hang in loose waves. The dress is not something I would normally wear, but I also wanted change and this was a way to get it. The dress was comfortable, jut a little to short. I'll have to be careful so someone don't get a grand view of my ass if I bent over.

Crystal wore a black halter dress with a silver belt and black high heels. She left her hair down, and for eye shadow she did a dark blue, light blue then a silver lining by her eyebrows. Victoria wore tight blue jeans, a pink blouse that had a low "v" going just below her breasts that tide and silver high heels. She used light blue eye shadow and a pink lip gloss, with her hair pinned half way up with curls.

Needless to say, we looked fucking hot. We got in Crystal's red Nissan GT-R , I climbed in the back. I didn't know where we were going, but somehow through many turns and me getting lost just watching, we pulled in front of Venom Nightclub. We got out and the valet took the car. Victoria and I started to go stand in line when we heard Crystal.

"Uh, girls where are you going?" Victoria and I looked at each other then the end of the line. Crystal just laughed and walked to the bouncer. "Crystal Lutz plus two." He nodded at her checking her out and let her pass with her tugging on us. She pulled us to a corner of the huge room I had no clue what was going on.
"V.I.P. room, I wanted the best for us." We nodded and just followed her. When we got to the room, there was a lounge looking out over the dance floor. We had our own bartender even though we weren't old enough. There was a booth and a leather couch in the small room.

"Welcome Ms. Lutz, what would you like to drink?" I looked her at weird and she ordered our drinks.

"When you have money, you can do almost anything you want. I just don't like to flash it around that I have it." The bartender came back with our drinks while we were talking. I have never drank alcohol before so this was going to be a first. The bartender kept bringing up drinks all night and the more I drank, the more I relaxed. I danced with the girls and a couple of guys.

I'm so addicted to

all the things you do

when you're going down on me

in between the sheets

all the sounds you make

with every breath you take

its not like anything

when you're loving me

oh girl lets take it slow

so as for you well you know where to go

i want to take my love and hate you till the end

its not like you to turn away

from all the bullshit i cant take

its not like me to walk away

Crystal was dancing with a guy that stood about six foot and solid muscle, while Victoria was dancing with another guy not quite six foot or as muscled as his friend, but you could tell he could hold his own. Their friend came up and started dancing with me. He had my back to his chest moving our hips together. I felt his chiseled abs moving with my body.

i'm so addicted too all the things

you do when you're going down on me

in between the sheets

all the sounds you make

with every breathe you take

its not like anything

when you're loving me

yeahh

i know it was getting rough

all the times we spend

when we try to make

this love something better than

just making love again

its not like you to turn away

all the bullshit i cant take

just when i think i can walk away,

I starting grinding my hips into him, feeling his cool body against mine. I must be getting hot from all the alcohol if his body feels this cool.

i'm so addicted to all the things

you do when you're going down on me

in between the sheets

all the sounds you make

with every breathe

its not like anything

i'm so addicted to the things you do

when you're going down on me

all the sounds you make with every breath you take

its not like anything when you're loving me

yeahh

when you're loving me

i can not make it through

all the things you do

theres just got to be more than you and me

i'm so addicted too all the things you do

when you're going down on me

in between the sheets

all the sounds you make with every breath you take

its not like anything

its not like anything

Dancing with this guy made my body feel like it was on fire. An electric current running through my body. With Edward I felt a small spark, but not this. I turned my body so we were facing each other. He was defiantly hot. I put my arm around his neck and straddled one of his legs still moving my hips along with him. Looking up at him, he had brown hair barely below his ears, but it looked damn good. His face was perfect, but it was his eyes that got me. They were brown, but I could see the red in them.

i'm so addicted too

all the things you do

when you're going down

all the sounds you make with every breath

you take its not like anything

i'm so addicted to you

addicted to you

Cold skin... Perfect chiseled body... Red eyes... That could only mean one fucking thing, right? Na, I've drank to much. I looked at him one last time, before his friends came over and they walked off.

"Wow, we are some lucky bitches! They were hot!" Victoria yelled over the music. Flo Rida 'Low' just came on and the three of us were grinding on each other. We got pushed back from people backing up, which pissed us off, so we walked to the front to see what was going on. What I saw shocked the hell out of me. Pretty much fucking a guy on the dance floor was Lauren in a barely there dress. It was pink, barely covered her ass and the front plunged down past her belly button, showing a lot of her breasts. Lauren never acted like this in school, and I briefly wondered if she was in the same stage as I was, just figuring herself out. Ignoring her, we went back to dancing a couple more songs before heading home.

When I finally crawled into bed, I had an ache in chest that I just blamed on the alcohol. Drifting off to sleep, I dreamed of the perfect guy I was dancing with tonight, hoping I would once again see him.