Broken Hearts and Rodeo Dreams
The Way I Feel
Bella
I was leaving behind Forks Washington, and along with it, Edward Cullen.
When I woke up, my head was still on Seth's lap. I looked up at him and smile while he smiled down at me. He told me that my phone had be going off like crazy, so I looked at it. Sure enough, seven text messages.
Bella-
Where are you?
-Rose
Bella-
I'm not mad at you.
I'm surprised you told that to Edward.
-Alice
Bella-
ANSWER ME!
-Rose
Bella-
If you don't answer me I'm sending in the big guns!
-Rose
Bella-
Are you ignoring Rose?
-Alice
Bella-
Please answer one of the girls before they go crazy.
-Emmett
Bella-
I really think we need to talk...
Please?
-Edward
I let out a huge sigh and debated how I wanted to respond to them. I heard the guys talking but just ignored them. We finally stopped off at a small town and found the grocery store. We bought enough food to last us for a while and loaded it in the trailer. When we got back to the truck, I finally just decided to text everyone.
Rose & Alice-
Hey guys sorry about last night.
I can't believe that slipped out.
Please know that I am ok and will keep in touch.
-Bella
I got in the truck and adjusted everything back to the way I drive, and hit the road again. The guys fell asleep leaving me with enough time to think everything through. I know I should have told everyone sooner, but I just wanted to enjoy the time with them without knowing about the good bye. I knew I should have told Edward how I felt, but he was always with Kate. Keep lyin to yourself.
I decided that when we got to Billings Montana, I'd write a letter to Edward and explain everything, then he would at least know the truth. The rest of the drive to Billings was quiet, we stopped a couple of times to let the horses out and move around, and to eat. Once we got there, the guys set up a pen for my horses while I made dinner for us all. I trusted them to move my horses and make sure everything was set up. I listened to the guys while we all ate about how they were ready for the rodeo tomorrow. I figured I couldn't put off writing a letter to Edward any longer.
"Seth, can I talk to you for a minute?" He looked at me and nodded as we walked out of the trailer door.
"What's up babe?" He asked.
"Well, I'm going to write a letter to Edward, things shouldn't have happened how they did and I just need to say sorry on my end of the line." Seth agreed with me and said that he and the guys were going to head up to the arena and hang out for a little bit. I was left to my own thoughts in the trailer as I turned on the radio, thinking about what all needed to be said to Edward.
Edward,
I know the last person you probably want to hear from is me, and for that I am sorry.
I know what I did is unforgivable. But I just need to tell you the truth.
Somewhere along the lines of last summer, I fell in love with you.
Remember that day we all went for a ride, and I got thrown? Well that was the day I was going to ask if you were interested
in going out on a date or something, but when we got back to the barn and Kate was all over you,
I figured my time had passed. At the homecoming dance, when you and I danced is when my
brain decided to tell my heart that I was in love with you. I'm sorry for ignoring you, but it
just hurt to be around you, knowing that I couldn't have you, and you didn't see me like that.
I wanted to tell everyone about this summer, but I didn't want a good-bye hanging over
all of our heads. Sorry about the roping thing, I truly didn't know you wanted me to be your
roping partner. Know you know the truth, and you can do with it what you want.
I just had to tell you. If you don't want to talk to me again, I truly understand.
Always,
-Bella
Re-reading the letter making sure that was everything, I put it in the envelope and put our addresses and a stamp on it. I'd walk to the post office in this town tomorrow and mail it. I went to sleep and all I could think about was Edward. I awoke the next morning and starting making breakfast for everyone, keeping my hands and mind busy. After I ate, I woke the guys up and then left to go mail the letter to Edward. I had only been away from my friends for two days and I already missed them. Going for a walk probably wasn't the smartest thing for me to do, it let my mind wonder. What does Edward think of me after I told him I loved him? Could I really be alright without him talking to me?
I decided, that what I did is done, and it's all in Edward's hands now as I dropped the letter in the mail drop at the post office. If he still wanted to be friends, I could handle that. I walked back to the trailer and fed my horses. Once Sunny was done eating, I saddled him up and rode to the arena. Working Sunny in the arena worked out the stress in my body from Edward, leaving, traveling and this being my first pro rodeo run tonight. For the moment, I just let everything go, and felt my horse move underneath me.
Before I knew it, the rodeo grounds were swarming with people and rodeo contestants. Since I rode Sunny earlier, I put my barrel saddle on him, and my roping saddle on Twister, and ponied Sunny around to warm up his muscles. When they got to the barrel racing, I tied Twister to the trailer and jumped on Sunny, heading to the arena.
"Next up in the barrel racing we have Isabella Swan from Forks Washington!" The announcer yelled. Here goes nothing Sunny. We walked up to the gate and Sunny started to prance and buck letting me know he was ready. Not to shabby for a fifteen year old. I nudged Sunny letting him know it was time for business as he jumped forward into a run. Everyone and everything disappeared once we entered the arena. It was just me and my horse playing around practicing barrels. I pushed Sunny to the first barrel, nudging him with my right leg, making him do a sharp turn. I looked up towards the second barrel and half way there I nudged Sunny with my left foot, making him do a lead change to get ready for the left handed turn. He blew through the second barrel no problem, pushing himself towards the third barrel. We made our last turn, heading towards the finish line. In that moment, I was free. I was flying on the back of my horse, my best friend. Someone who would always be there for me. Leaving the arena, I got off Sunny and loosened my cinch up to help him cool off before walking him back to the trailer.
"Hey, your Bella Swan right?" I looked beside me and saw a beautiful girl around my height with shorter brown hair and brown eyes.
"Yea, I am. Can I help you?" I asked a little nervous.
"Hey, I'm Jami, you had a really good run!"
"Thank you, do you barrel race?" I asked her tying Sunny up. I pulled my saddle off him and put it on the rack in the trailer.
"No, not yet. But I'm planning on it." Jami said excitedly.
"If ya need any help let me know, but I gotta head back up to the arena." I said apologetically, Seth and the guys were going to be riding soon.
"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Bella, of course you'd wanna get back to watch Seth. Do you mind if I join you?" I shook my head and we walked up the arena.
"I'm sorry, do you know Seth?"
"No, I've heard of him, he's a really good bull rider, and his friends Embry Call and Quil Ateara are just as good." She stated.
"Yes, they all three are very good. We are all traveling together this year."
Jami and I found a place to sit in the stands and watched the bull riding.
"So where are you from?" I asked.
"I live back in Nebraska. We have a training barn." I nodded as we watched Embry's bull come jumping out of the chute. The bull started to spin, causing Embry to come off balance and fall off.
"Must be nice, what type of training?" I asked because I really was curious.
"We have a trainer for each rodeo event. So I guess you could say we train rodeo horses." Jami giggled. We watched Seth and Quil ride, both taking a score of 70. Jami and I decided to keep in touch and exchanged phone numbers. We said our good byes, and I made my way to the back of the chutes to find the guys. They grabbed their stuff and we all went back to the trailer. I put the horses in the pen and fed them, then went inside and started making dinner. After we ate, we packed everything up and got ready to leave the next morning. I checked on my horses, before going to sleep.
The next morning we loaded everything up and the horses and made the four hour drive to Casper Wyoming. Embry had family there that owned a ranch and offered for us to stay there. Pulling up the driveway, I started to feel a little nervous.
"Embry, this place is beautiful," I whispered. There was a large log cabin house, and an outdoor arena.
"Yea it is. Growing up I came here alot. See that cabin over there?" He pointed to the right of the main house, so I nodded. "That's where we are going to be staying while were here, so pull up over there.
I did as he told me. It was a cute little log cabin, maybe three bedrooms. Beside it there was a round coral made out of tree branches, and you could see the end of a lake coming from behind the cabin. Overall, it was really cute. I parked the truck and we all jumped out, and Embry said we should go ahead and unload the horses and get them settled in. After that we went to the main house to meet everyone. Walking in, you could definitely tell this was a ranchers house, and looks like what my house probably would. There was horse tack everywhere, the furniture was wooden, and it just had a very western feel to it.
"Aunt Emily, Uncle Sam? We're here!" Embry yelled.
"Embry? My have you grown!" A woman called. She was beautiful with long black hair, and russet skin.
"Aunt Em, you know Quil, these are my friends Seth Clearwater and his girlfriend Bella Swan."
"Welcome to the ranch, make yourselves at home. I'm taking it you have already unloaded the horses." We all nodded at her and Embry excused us as we went back to the cabin.
It had been a couple days since we had arrived at the ranch, and Seth was acting kind of weird. I wasn't sure what to think about it but Embry and Quil said he was fine and not to worry about it. I was out brushing the horses when Seth came wonderin' up to me.
"Hey babe, can we go for a ride?" He was still acting weird, but I nodded that we could. We saddled the horses up and starting walking out into the pastures. I laughed when Twister tensed up when we got around the cattle. Poor guy probably thought it was time to work. We rode in silence for a little while and I decided I wanted to lope, so I kicked Sunny up. Seth caught up to me, and then nudged Twister into a run. Since Sunny was already high spirited and always wanted to run, I made him stay in a steady lope. I noticed in the distance Twister was standing by a tree, so thinking Seth got thrown, I kicked Sunny and made him run. When I got to them, I saw Seth kneeling down in the grass, so I immediately got off Sunny to stand in front of him.
"Seth are you alright?" I almost screamed, I was worried that he was hurt. He seemed lost in thought, so I just stood there, waiting for a damn answer.
"Bella, I love you." He finally got out.
"I love you to Seth. Are you alright?" I was starting to get annoyed now.
"Isabella, I love you so much. Since the first time I saw you, I knew you had my heart. I want to achieve our goals together, buy a house, make you my wife and carry my children. I love you, please tell me you will make me the happiest man alive. Please say you'll be my wife?" Seth pulled out a beautiful diamond ring with a square diamond with two diamonds beside it. I couldn't breath. Was this really fucking happening? All I could do was nod my head and lunge towards Seth. I placed my lips on his, as we started to move together, he licked my bottom lip asking for entrance, that I quickly gave him. When we pulled away, I had a ring on my left ring finger. I didn't even notice that he had put it there, but I was so happy.
"Bella, I love you so much."
"I love you to Seth." I mumbled placing my lips back on his. When he pulled back, he had the biggest grin on his face.
"Bella, there's something else we need to discuss since you agreed to marry me. My parents have decided to sell the farm." He said looking at me. "I was wondering if you would be interested in us buying it?"
"Oh Seth, that would be wonderful! Then I can stay close to my dad!" I yelled jumping back on him. We laid there in the grass for what felt like ever, just holding each other as the wind blew the grass all around us. When it was starting to get dark, we decided to head back to the cabin. When we got into the cabin Quil and Embry came up and gave me a hug and shook Seth's hand.
"So this is why you have been acting weird the last couple of days?" I asked Seth when we laid on the couch together.
"I was nervous as hell to ask you to marry me, you can't blame me." Seth chuckled. All I could do was laugh along with him.
"So when do we sign the papers to our new home?" I asked excitedly.
"When we go home in July. I'm glad your excited."
The next month and a half flew by once we got engaged. Once we left Casper we went to Denver, Colorado followed by, Cheyenne Wyoming, Union and Sisters Oregon with at least one of us leaving each rodeo with a check. I had talked to Rose and Alice and they assured me that no one was mad with my decision to leave, but were sad with the way I left. I kept telling them I was sorry, and we decided to hang out once we got back. When we were in Cheyenne, we went shopping and I got two new bridles, a new saddle pad, breast collar, and some clothes. I'll just say, it put a good dent in my checking account. I had yet to tell the girls that I was engaged and making our way home, I was a little nervous.
Seth's parents had already moved out of the farm, so we would be staying there. I guess Seth had already asked Charlie's permission to marry me and he agreed. But he was a little hesitant about us moving in together before we were married. I simply told him that we weren't having Seth so there was no need to worry. We pulled into the farm late, and once we got the horses settled into their new pens, everyone was exhausted. Embry and Quil decided to stay with us, so we all went to sleep.
I woke up the next morning to my phone going off. I had four missed calls, all from Alice. I groaned and rolled out of bed knowing she wanted to see me. Once I went to the bathroom and got dressed, I headed to the kitchen so I didn't wake anyone up with my talking, and called Alice back. She answered on the third ring.
"About time you wake up damn it!"
"Sorry Alice, we didn't get in until last night." I mumbled.
"Yeah, yeah. Your up now, so when can we meet?" Remember that Alice and Rose didn't know that I was moving to La Push and I was engaged, I decided to tell them first chance I got.
"The sooner the better?"
"Well we can meet you are your house in an hour?" I agreed and we hung up. I made some quick breakfast and went to the bedroom to tell Seth I was leaving.
"Seth, hunny, I'm going to dads and gonna brake the news to the girls. I'm gonna pack some stuff and bring it back to." I leaned over and gave Seth a kiss. He surprised me by grabbing me and pulling me on top of him. I let out a small squeal as he leaned up to kiss me.
"Well good morning to you to." He chuckled.
"Good morning, now go back to sleep. You'll need your rest. We got work to do around this farm. I'll feed the horses on my way out." I gave him a kiss and crawled off him.
Waiting at my dads house, I was starting to get nervous. As I was carrying some of my clothes to my truck, Alice and Rose pulled in. I saw them jump out and run up to me.
" I missed you so much Bella!" Alice screamed as she jumped to give me a hug.
"Are you moving Bella?" Rose asked confused.
"Um... actually... yeah... I need to talk to you guys?" I was so nervous it came out as a question. I turned around and walked into the house with them following me. I sat at the table and they sat across from me.
"What's up Bella?" Alice asked.
"Well... um... ok... '!" I got out all in one breath. Maybe you said it fast enough they won't catch on?
"Whoa! Ok slow down try again." Rose said. I let out a big sigh and tried again.
"Seth asked me to marry him and I said yes. We bought his parents farm, so I'm moving to La Push." I said as calmly as my nerves would let me.
"That's awesome Bella! we totally have to go out tonight!" Alice squealed. Rose just looked me at with a sad look in her eye. We agreed to go out tonight and they helped me move the rest of my clothes and small items to my truck. I told them we would meet them tonight at the bar, before we said our good byes. When I got to the farm, the guys helped me carry everything in and I started to get settled. Once we finished eating we all headed to the bar. I had a feeling in my stomach that something wasn't going to go very well tonight. When we got there everyone was inside. We went to them and did proper hugs, which assured me they were no longer angry with me.
"So, Bella and Seth have some news!" Alice yelled. That got everyone's attention, great. They were all looking at me with expectant eyes, all except Edward. I was looking straight in his eyes when I said what I was going to say.
"Seth and I are engaged. We're getting married." I said and I saw the heartbreak in Edward's eyes, though I had no idea why. Everyone gave us congratulations, before we decided to dance. After a couple of songs, I noticed that Edward wasn't dancing, so I promised myself the next song, I would ask him to dance with me. I walked up to Edward and asked him and he agreed. I grabbed his hand, and gasped as I felt a shock flowing through me like electricity. As soon as I heard the song, I knew this was a bad ida.
Lately I've been wandering
Off the narrow path
You've given me so many things that I've never had
All in all I know it's you that always pulls me through
If you reach deep inside you'll see my heart is true
Cuz I hate the way…I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice…yeah
"Are you Edward?" I asked right back. I didn't want to answer him, because I was afraid of my answer. He seemed to think about it for a long time.
Come on
The world I know is pulling me, more and more each day
I feel like the odd man out as I begin to pray
Spiteful eyes are watching me
With everything I do
In the midst of darkness, Lord
My spirit calls for you
Cuz I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice yeah
(You know sometimes deep inside...)
I feel like death...
Cuz I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life
Yes I hate the way I feel inside
And I promise to make the sacrifice
Yes, I hate the way I feel tonight
And I know I need you in my life..yeah
The way I feel, I hate the way... the way I feel...
When the song ended, Edward leaned in, kissed my cheek and said "No Bella, I'm not happy." Then he walked away from me to rejoin the group as I had a single tear slide down my face.
Bella's Ring
No comments:
Post a Comment