Broken Hearts and Rodeo Dreams
Far Away
Bella
Since Edward told me he loved me , everything changed. The last five years have been really hard, but more then worth it. When I think about it, I can still feel Edward's hand on me.
"What I'm saying Bella, is that I love you!"
"Wh-What? How long?" I finally spit out.
"Since you first told me. I loved you enough to let you go, so you can be with Seth." Edward has loved me for awhile. No wonder he acted the way he did when I told him I was engaged. I couldn't handle it any longer, I threw myself at Edward. I pressed my lips to his. He was shocked at first, then he put one hand on my waist and the other in my hair pulling me to him. I had waited so long to do this. His tongue traced my bottom lip begging for entrance.
I gladly gave him and his tongue explored my mouth playing with my tongue. I let out a soft moan and put my hands in Edward's hair. He pushed me back so I was laying on the couch and he was hovering over me. He removed his hand from my hair only to put it on my waist and slowly moved both hands up taking my shirt with him. I leaned up and removed my shirt, removing his shortly after. I took a moment to look at his chiseled abs and that sexy "V" that disappeared into his jeans.
"See something you like Bella?" Edward said between kisses on my neck. He started sucking on my ear lobe causing me to shiver.
"Yes I do Edward, and I plan on seeing a lot more while I'm at it." I said running my hands down his abs. It was amazing to see his muscles tighten under my touch. When I got to his waist line, right above his jeans, I ran my hand back and forth between his hip bones. I knew how I was making him feel just by the erection being pressed into my thigh.
"Bella, are you sure you want to do this?" I nodded my head as he picked me up and carried me to my bed. He kissed all over my body as he finished taking my clothes off, as well as his. When he pulled my jeans off, he kissed his way back up my legs, softly touching his lips with mine.
"Edward, I need to tell you something." I said as he kissed along my neck, which he only hummed in response. "I'm a virgin."
"Bella, are you sure you want to do this?" He asked, just to make sure. I nodded at him and felt him line himself at my opening. His brought his lips back to mine while he mumbled, "Bella, I'm sorry, this is going to hurt." He slowly pushed inside me. I felt the burn from him stretching me and once he was all the way in, he held still waiting for me. Right now I was so glad that since I ride horses, I didn't have a "cherry" to pop. Once I didn't feel the pain any longer, I started to move my hips against him, letting him know it was ok to move.
He started off moving slow. I could feel the hot pressure start to build in my stomach, so I started to move against Edward a little more. He reached down and started to rub circles around my bundle of nerves and I felt wave after wave of pleasure. Edward wasn't far behind as I felt him warm seed shoot into me. He rolled off me then pulled me so my back was resting against his chest, and that's how we fell asleep.
The next morning driving to the airport was hard. I mean, where did this leave us? Once we got there, he grabbed my hand and I walked with him as far as I could before he pulled me into his chest.
"Bella, I love you, and I'll wait for you. But please, take your time, this is a great opportunity for you and I don't want you to miss it."
"I love you to Edward." I said as he placed his lips on mine. I watched him walk away until I couldn't see him any longer. I held it together until I got to my truck, then the silent tears started. Once I got back, I threw myself into work. I had over twenty horses that needed to be worked on barrels and it was the perfect distraction.
Over the last month and a half, the only way I kept in contact with everyone was through text messaging. I didn't have time to do anything else. I would wake up, eat, work my ass off all day wether it was training, cleaning stalls, or working my own horses, eating dinner, shower, bed, and then waking up and doing it all over again.
"Mommy! Mommy! Let's go! Aunt Jami said we are going to be late if we don't leave now!" Jayce yelled at me. O yeah did I mention that, that one night stand with Edward gave me a beautiful little girl? Jayce Marie Swan was born May 5th. She had Edward's emerald green eyes, my brown hair with a reddish tint to it.
This is not how I am suppose to spend my twentieth birthday. I was sitting in the doctors office, scared shitless. I had missed my period and that never happened. So I got a home pregnancy test, and well let's just say that's why I am where I am: The doctors office.
"Well Miss Swan it looks like you are pregnant. Both the urine and blood tests came back positive. Your due date will be around May third. Any questions?" I shook my head no, letting everything soak in. "Alright then, we'll go ahead and get you set up for your next appointment."
After I got done with everything at the doctor's office, I headed back home. When I got there, I told Jami what was going on and she told me to take the rest of the day off. I decided to call Edward and get that part of this over with. I headed into my apartment and grabbed a bottle of water before walking to the couch and pulling my cell phone out of my purse. I dialed Edward's number and waited.
"Hello?" Said a woman's voice. I quickly looked at my phone to make sure I dialed the correct number.
"Uh, is Edward available?"
"No, he's um... busy right now." She giggled out. I couldn't help it, I hung up and cried. So much for waiting for me, asshole! I couldn't believe it, he said he'd wait and then a chick answers his phone, I mean seriously? So does that mean he even meant it when he said he loved me? I called my family and told them the news, they all wished I was married first, but wished me luck and said they'd help me out. Next up, Rose and Alice.
"Hello?" Alice's chipper voice answered.
"Hey Alice, is Rose around you?"
"Yeah, hang on... K, your on speaker phone. What's up?"
"Well there's no easy way to say this so I'm just going to say it. I'm pregnant." I said calmly.
"Who's the dad?" They both asked. Well shit, here goes nothing.
"Whose in the room with you?"
"Just us two, why?" Alice asked.
"You can NOT tell anyone this and if you do, I will never talk to either of you again! Got it?"
"Yes!" They both said at the same time.
"Um, hey Aunt Rose."
"What the fuck? Why are you calling me Aunt Rose? I'm not your fucking au.. wait a minute! It's Edward's baby?" She finally caught on.
"Yes, but you can't tell him."
"Bella, you need to tell him. I mean he needs to know."
"No, I called him to tell him and some girl answered the phone. When she said he was busy, she giggled. So he's not ready to be a father." Before we hung up, they both agreed with me and were mad at Edward.
"Alright let's go baby girl."
"Mom, I'm not a baby anymores." Jayce whined.
"You'll always be my baby." I said leaning down to kiss her on her forehead before walking out the door. Jami already had the horses loaded. Since I retired Sunny at the age of 21 and only used Twister as a back up horse, Jayce had been riding them and was going to show them this year. Soon after I retired them I bought a dun mare, Kissee, that I used for barrel racing. She was already beating Sunny's time, so I knew she would be a good horse. And then I bought Grace, she's only a coming two year old, but she's fast. I plan on using her for roping. For Jayce's first show I dressed her in a blue tank top, blue jeans, brown boots and her black cowboy hat. Once she was ready to enter the arena, I would put on her blue crystal show shirt.
I helped Jayce into the truck since the horses and tack where already loaded and headed to Kearney, a twenty minute drive for the show. Jami was going to meet us there, she said she was meeting someone but wouldn't tell me who. Over the last five years, Jami has become one of my best friends. She was there when I went into labor before my family could make it. Rose and Alice where true to their word, and didn't tell anyone. I allowed her to tell her parents, as long as they didn't say anything to Edward. I was still mad at him and felt betrayed. But I was going to let him be, and when and if he proved to me that he could handle being a father I would let him. I wouldn't put my daughter through that.
Every time I called him the same girl answered, and he never returned my text messages, I finally just gave up. Rose said that she was working for him but thought something else was going on. So I was going to do what he did to me when I was Seth. He loved me enough to let me go, so I will do the same. As long as he's happy then that's what mattered. I wish my daughter knew her father, but she knew her aunt and grandparents. Pulling into the fairgrounds, I quickly found a place to park and unload horses. Before I could even get my door open, Jayce had already jumped out and was running to the back of the trailer.
"Jayce Marie! You know better then to run around horses!" I scolded.
"I'm sorry mom." She pouted and helped me open the back of the trailer. I walked in and untied Twister since he was at the back of the trailer and started to back him out. Once I got him out, I tied him up and went back in to get Sunny. Poor old boys, just when they think their done, at least Sunny is retired from hard work.
I grabbed Jayce's show saddle and threw it on Twister, since she had trail and pleasure first. I had just started to put the bridle on when someone cleared their throat behind us. Please don't be a snobby show mom. Please don't be a snobby show mom!
"Where is my Miss Jay Bird at?" I turned around to the sound of my fathers voice.
"Dad?" I barely got out before Jayce started running.
"Grandpa!" She squealed.
"Hey! What about us!" Alice chirped in.
"Aunt Alice! Aunt Rose! Papa! Nana!" Well hell now it's a family fucking reunion.
"Hey guys, what's everyone doing here?"
"Couldn't miss this little ones first show." Esme or as Jayce calls her, nana, said.
"I have a feeling you where up to this?" I asked looking at Jami. She gave me a quick nod before the announcer said that pleasure would soon be starting. "Ok, well I'm glad your all here, but someone has a horse they need to warm up before going into the arena." Jayce squealed before letting me help her on Twister. They announced her age group and we started to head up to the arena.
"Good Luck!" We all told her before she went in. They went through everything they were suppose to, but since the group was so young, they only did a walk and trot. As they all lined up in the center, the judge walked on the line asking for the horses to back up. Jayce ended up placing second in the class. We were all excited for her. She then had trail and placed fourth in there. We had a lunch brake and I started to stretch out Sunny's legs before I got him saddled. He was warmed up so I threw Jayce's barrel racing saddle on him. Yes, Jayce is going to be just like me with the barrel racing, except she's starting younger then I did.
They called for her age group in barrel racing, so we all walked up there after I helped Jayce on Sunny. She waited her turn and then entered the arena. Sunny might be retired, but he still knows how to do his job. Jayce finished her run with a twenty-three second time. She left the arena with a big smile on her face. Since she was last to run, she also ended up with the best time and taking first place. We were walking back to the trailer, when a group of people, including the show judge walked up to us.
"Miss Swan?" The judge asked.
"Yes?" I said turning around to face him.
"It seems we may have a problem."
"What do you mean a problem?" I said looking at the snobby moms. Just couldn't get through one fricken day without one of them talking to me.
"That horse your daughter is riding can not show in 4-H." One said, wow her voice is really annoying.
"And why can't he?"
"He runs in professional rodeo. He can not compete in 4-H." Another one sneered.
I started to chuckle. I couldn't help it. "Are you serious?" Now my family joined in with me.
"Momma, why can't I show Sunny?" Jayce asked.
"Baby, you can show Sunny."
"No she can't!" One of the moms yelled.
"Oh yes she can. I've read the rule books. This horse has not competed in the professional tour in four years. He's freaking 22 years old for petey's sake. I can't help it if he can still beat your damn push button horses!" I was starting to lose my temper.
"He still can't compete."
"Yes he can. The rules state that if he is no longer competing in professional rodeo, then he can compete in 4-H. Now if you have a problem with that, then I have no problem going to the show board. And trust me, they will listen and side with me. Your choice." I said as I grabbed Sunny's reins and headed back to the trailer.
"She can't do that!" Someone yelled behind me.
"Actually she is correct on the rule books. And when you came to me, you told me that horse was still competing. So I will not do anything about her daughter's awards." The judge said. Ha serves them snobby ass show moms! I unsaddled Sunny and we walked back up to watch the roping events. They had just started breakaway roping when Jayce decided to talk.
"Momma, I wanna learn how to rope." I looked at her dumbfounded. Of course she'd be interested in roping, hell both of her parents roped in rodeo, even though she didn't know that. I didn't know what to do, this is something her father should be teaching her. Her father should have been here for her first show, helping her get ready. Her father should have been here for the last five years. Her father should have been doing a lot of things, instead of fucking ignoring me. He chose that girl over you, and now your daughter. Yeah, well maybe it's fucking time I paid Mr. Edward fucking Cullen a visit, and show him what he missed out on. Fuck! I must have taken to long to answer, because Rose finally answered her.
"Babe, maybe Uncle Emmett or Uncle Jasper will teach you if you ask really really nice." Jayce got a huge smile on her face, while the rest of the family watched me have a battle going on inside my mind. Once the show was over, we loaded the horses and headed back home, with the family following us. Once we got there, Jami helped put the horses away and fed while I went inside to start making dinner for all of us.
Since Edward chose to not talk to me any longer, I kind of cut him out of my life. When we were all together, everyone knew not to talk about Edward around me, so I didn't know where he lived, what he was doing or anything about him anymore. But I was getting tired of all the things he was missing out on with his daughter. I zoned out into my own world, and didn't hear Esme come in.
"Everything ok dear? You seem a little out of it." She asked, and I couldn't help but chuckle.
Esme, how is he? What does he do now?" I didn't have to tell her who he was, she knew.
"He's busy. He bought the farm from us and trains horses. He's actually very successful. From what I hear, he finally fired the girl that has been working for him since you left. He found out some things about her that he didn't approve of."
I thought about everything that she just said. Was the girl he just fired, the girl that kept answering his phone? If she was, what did that mean? Was he really waiting for me? "Esme, I think it's time I come back home. I think it's time Jayce learns how to rope from her father." Hopefully this is the right decision.
"I agree dear." Shortly after that everyone came in, and we ate. Alice and Rose where playing Jayce barbie with all the clothes they bought for Jayce. At least it's not Bella Barbie anymore! Since the family was going to be here for a week, instead of flying, I'll ask Rose and Alice to ride with me, leaving Dad, Esme, and Carlisle to fly back. Now I just needed to talk to Jami. I quickly found her, tapped her on the shoulder, and pointed to outside. She nodded and followed me out.
"What's up Bella?" She asked with a look on her face, like she already knew.
"Jami, I've loved working here. And I can never thank you enough for the opportunity you gave me. But I think it's time to head home and for Jayce to meet her dad."
"Well, it's about damn time Bella!" I looked at her shocked. What the hell? "I knew this day was coming. I knew you'd come to your senses and chase after the love you and Edward share. Why do you think you have an "assistant"? Joise is taking your place. I will miss you though. You are one of the best damn trainers around." A tear slid down my face as I hugged her. She really was one of my best friends. We went back inside and found everyone watching TV. I guess now is the time.
"Hey, um, Rose, Alice?" They looked at me, well here goes nothing. "I was wondering if you guys would drive back with me?" Everyone looked at me confused except for Esme and Jami. "Jayce and I are coming home." They squealed and ran to me and hugged me. After everyone hugged and said they were happy for us, Jayce came up to me.
"Momma, does this mean I getta meet my daddy?" How is it that, that one sentence made me feeling like a shitty mother?
"Yes baby. It means you get to meet your daddy." She jumped up in my arms and squealed. Damn, there goes my ear drum. Maybe she is more like Rose and Alice then I thought? After everyone settled down and Rose and Alice agreed to ride back with me, I had one more thing I needed to do. I dialed the number and listened to it ring three times before I heard a voice I hadn't heard in five years.
"Hello?" He asked confused. Oh yeah, I changed my number, so he don't know this one.
"Edward?" I let out the breath I had been holding.
"Yeah, can I ask who is this please?" Somehow a giggle escaped my mouth. "Bella?"
"Yeah Edward, it's me. I'm coming home. We have lots to talk about."
Esme
When Jayce said she wanted to learn to rope, I knew that flicked on a switch in Bella's head. I knew she was thinking that Edward should be the one teaching her. So when she said they were coming home, I was happy. I knew her reasons for stay away. I can't say that I blame her, but I can't say that I blame Edward either. They are both young, but Bella seems like she is finally coming to her senses about coming home. I know Edward will be shocked, and mad, but he'll get over it and make a good dad. I was kind of mad when she told me that I couldn't tell Edward about Jayce. I thought he should know. But when she told me that he had called and text him numerous times only to either have a girl answer and always say he wasn't busy, or just plane getting ignored, I knew she at least tried. So I didn't tell him, that's her story to tell, not mine.
Over the week, we helped Bella pack all of her stuff and shipped what wouldn't fit. When she moved out here, she only had two horses, so she was able to put some stuff in her trailer. Well now she has four horses and her trailer is full. Before I knew it, we were on the plane heading home. It was going to be a long wait for the girls to get home. They planned on stopping along the way to shop for clothes, tack, and whatever else those four can find. Once they get home, it's gonna be one hell of a storm coming threw.
Bella
Once we got the parents on the place, we started our way back to Forks Washington. A place I thought I'd never go back to. We stopped at a couple of stores, and bought lots of stuff. By the time we were pulling into Washington, you couldn't fit anything else in the cab of the truck. When I talked to Edward, he was happy I was coming home and said I could keep the horses there. It was so good to hear his voice. When we hung up, all I could think about was the feeling of his hands on me. When we got to Forks, it was around noon, we had left Nebraska five days ago. Yeah, the shopping took that freaking long. Heading to Edward's place a song came on the radio.
"Hey Bella, this song kind of reminds me of you and Edward." Alice said. Once I heard the song, silent tears where rolling down my cheeks.
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and
Never let me go
Alice was right, this song was just us. By the time we got to the farm, Jayce was asleep. Edward met us outside, and I quickly jumped out with Rose and Alice. This is not the time I want Jayce to meet her father. We unloaded the horses and put them in the stalls.
"I see you still got Sunny and Twister?" Edward asked.
"Uh, yeah... um I have someone that rides them." I stumbled out. We were inside the barn with Edward looking at Kissee, when I heard the truck door close. O crap, why now?
"Momma? Momma where are you?" Jayce called out. Edward looked at me funny, and I just turned and went to the end of the barn.
"Right here Baby." Well I guess she's going to meet him sooner then I thought. She ran up to me, I bent down and picked her up. She settled her head on my shoulder with her face towards my neck. She's always does this when she wakes up. I could feel her hot breath on my neck, and Edward walking up behind me.
"I didn't know you were a mother Bella?" He asked.
"Well, um... there's a lot you don't know." I said looking at Rose and Alice. They looked just as nervous as I did.
"Momma, can I see Twist and Sun?"
"Sure, Rose will you take her please? I need to talk to Edward." She nodded, and Jayce climbed down, skipping over to Rose and Alice. I heard Edward's intake of air. Shit, Shit, Shit, he knows.
"Bella, how old is she?" He asked.
"She um, just turned five on May fifth." I said barely above a whisper.
"Who is her father?" I looked up at him as the tears started to fall for the second time today. "It's me, isn't it? I'm her father?"
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