Broken Hearts and Rodeo Dreams
If Today Was Your Last Day
BPOV
Beep... Beep...Beep...Beep I wonder if Seth is going to shut off the damn alarm clock.
Beep... Beep...Beep...Beep What the hell? Leave it to a man to never wake up.
Beep... Beep...Beep...Beep I tried opening my eyes, but they seemed so heavy. Maybe if I just ignore it, I can go back to sleep.
Beep... Beep...Beep...Beep I tried opening my eyes again, only this time I was assaulted by lights. I quickly closed them again. Damn how long did we sleep it? It shouldn't be this bright! I slowly opened my eyes again, letting my eyes adjust only to be met by... everyone. What the hell is everyone doing in our bedroom? Looking around, I noticed they all had a sad expression. I was confused, one why was everyone in my bedroom, and two, why did everyone look so sad?
"Bella, dear?" I looked up at Esme as she talked. "Do you know where you are?"
I snorted, "Of course, what I don't know is why everyone is in my bedroom." I heard someone mumble something about not remembering what happened. What the hell? I remember going to the rodeo last night and Seth and I coming home. I quickly looked beside me, but Seth wasn't there. Where's Seth?
Then I remembered swerving to hit that damn deer. "The deer, I... I... I hit a deer... Where's Seth? Is he alright?" I looked over at Embry when he left out a sob and shook his head. "The bull... Seth... Oh God... no..." I kept shaking my head. This can't be.
"Bella, calm down. Tell us what you remember." Carlisle spoke.
"Seth riding, jumping off, the bull charging him, rushing to the hospital, the doctor, driving my truck, hitting deer... rolling my truck." Rose started sobbing. Why is she crying? She wasn't there, so why is she crying. Rose asking if I was alright, where I was, Rose screaming my name. I felt like someone had grabbed my throat cutting off the air supply my lungs where begging for. Everyone started to get blurry from the tears in my eyes. "Rose, you... you heard... I'm sorry." I sobbed out. I started shaking so badly and I couldn't control it. My entire world crumbled down on me.
"She needs to be sedated, this is to much for her mind to handle." I don't know who said it, but shortly after I felt a stinging in my hand. Looking down I noticed I had an IV in my hand, so I must be in the hospital. I welcomed the darkness as I started being swallowed into it.
Being in this blackness, I felt nothing. No pain, no worries, no loss, nothing. My entire body became numb. I didn't have to come to the realization that Seth was gone, or the fact that when I go home, he won't be there.
When I awoke the only person in my room was Edward. As soon as I saw him fresh tears came along with a quit loud sob. Edward rushed over to my bed and carefully pulled me into a hug. I sat there and cried for what could have been minutes or hours before the doctor entered the room.
"Miss Swan, I'm glad that your awake. Are you ready to discuss your injuries?" I nodded at him. "You have about a hundred stitches on your arms due to the glass cutting you, six stitches on your face, and had a dislocated shoulder which we put back in. All in all, your very lucky you came out of the accident with what you have. Do you have any questions?"
Oh yeah, I'm so lucky that all in one day I lost my fiance and rolled my truck, I'm the luckiest person in the world. "When can I leave and go home?"
"We'd like to keep you the remainder of the day, and if everything looks well tonight, you'll be discharged in the morning." I nodded at him and he turned around and left.
"Bella, are you alright?" Edward squeezed my hand lightly.
"I'm as good as I can be given the moment. Edward, how bad is my truck? I remember talking to Rose and then a deer ran out in the road, I tried to miss it. Then I remember hitting it and going off to the side of a hill. I remember feeling my truck tumble, hearing the glass break, from there I don't remember."
Edward sighed before he answered me, "Bella, your truck rolled down the hill about three times before coming to a stop against a tree on the passenger side. It's totaled."
"Are we still in Cheyenne?" Edward nodded. "How are we getting back to Forks?"
"We all flew out here. Your dad has bought you a ticket home already." I nodded and fell back into silence, thinking about things. How did my life get so turned upside down? One minute I'm happy and the next my life has became a living hell. I looked on my left hand where my ring was. I finally realized that I had no right to wear this ring. I loved Seth, but I wasn't in love with him. In my heart, I felt like I kind of used him to get over Edward, and that just made me feel like shit. I slid my ring off just as everyone was walking in the room.
When I looked up, I was looking into Alice's eyes. They were swimming with sadness, whether it was because of me, Seth, or a mixture of both. But I had a feeling it was more for me, she liked Seth, but she had made it known to me that I shouldn't marry him. That it wasn't right of me to love Edward but be engaged to Seth, and now I realized what she meant. It only hurt people in the end, and I had taken the cowards way out. I ran from Edward without giving him a chance to say how he felt, if he felt anything, right into the arms of a man that I took for granted. I would miss Seth, but I knew I didn't deserve his love. I didn't deserve anything he gave me or that we shared.
Alice looked at me and cocked an eyebrow, secretly asking me what was wrong. I gave her a small smile when she grabbed my hand. I slid my ring into her hand, silently asking her to hang on to it, she gave me a short nod before putting it in her pocket. The rest of the day passed in a blur with people coming and going followed by the doctor coming in that night and gave me the ok to leave in the morning. That night after everyone said their goodnight's, I drifted off to sleep.
I was riding out in the pasture, just walking and enjoying the outdoors. I heard Seth's voice and started looking for him. I finally spotted him ahead of me, so I kicked the horse into a run to get to him faster. When I was close enough, I jumped off the horse right into his arms giving him a tight hug.
"Bella, babe, how I've missed you." I started sobbing remembering that I wasn't good enough for him.
"I've missed you."
"Bella, I know how you feel. That you weren't good enough for me. The truth it, it's the other way around." I looked at him confused before he continued. "I rushed you into wanting to get married, even though I knew you loved Edward. I blame myself, but I also blame you. You never spoke up until it was to late. You still love him, and you always will. You two are suppose to be together. Don't be afraid to go after what you want to do and be who you want to be. But dont be afraid to be willing to pay the price. You need to take the time to grieve for me, but when it's time, you need to step up and go after what you want." Seth gave me a quick chaste kiss before walking away from me.
I tried running after him, but he got farther and farther away. I sat down in the grass and started to cry until I saw a hand reach down for me. I looked up into emerald green eyes.
"Don't cry love, I'm here. I've always been here, I love you." Edward stated.
I startled awake, breathing heavily. I couldn't stop thinking about that dream. Is that what Seth really would have wanted? Before I had time to think about it, everyone wondered back into my room to get my stuff ready to leave. On the way to the air port I was able to call my insurance company, and they had a check
Soon we were at the airport and boarding the plane. It was decided that once we got in Seattle, I would go to the insurance company, get the check, and go buy a new truck. The ride there seemed short, but then again, I wasn't really paying attention. We stopped at the insurance company and got the check. Everyone decided to just meet us back at Forks after dropping Rose, Alice and I off at the Chevrolet dealership. It didn't take me long to find a truck just like my old one, except in a blue. After doing all the paperwork, and grabbing something to eat, we were on our way home.
"Bella, how are you doing?" Alice asked.
"As well as expected Alice. I don't think everything has fully caught up to me yet."
We spend most of the ride in silence, nobody really sure what to say. When we got to Forks, I dropped them off at Rosalie's house and headed for La Push. Pulling up our driveway, I felt the tears that started to build in my eyes. Seth would never come home again. I parked in my spot next to Seth's truck, and slowly made my way inside. I kept it together until I made it to the bedroom, then I just lost it. I laid there and cried for hours before a thought came to me. I couldn't continue to live here. Everything reminded that I didn't love Seth enough to prevent this from happening.
The next day the family and I met at Harry and Sue's to go over everything for the funeral. Pulling up to there house, I saw Leah leaning against her car. I got out and hugged her and we just let the tears go. I'm not sure how, but we ended up in the house. I hugged everyone before we finally sat down around the table in the dining room.
"Thank you all for joining me, I wish it was under better circumstances. Besides going over the details of the funeral, we also need to talk about the property and finances of Mr. Clearwater. I believe that the property in Seth's name also belongs to a Isabella Swan, is she present?" I nodded at the lawyer and told him that was me. "Ms. Swan, since your name is on the deed, the property is yours do as you wish. Also, there is a checking account with both yours and Seth's name on it. That money is also yours to do with as you please." I was shocked! I didn't know Seth had put my name on his checking account. The lawyer passed everything over to me and then started talking about the funeral. After several hours, everything was planned and the lawyer left.
"Bella, dear, are you ok? You don't seem to be with us?" Sue asked. I looked at her with tears knowing this wasn't easy for her either.
"Well, I would like to talk to everyone. To start with, I would like to know if anyone is interested in the farm?" They all looked at me confused. "I can not stay there, it reminds me to much of everything. If anyone is interested, they can have it, if not, I'm going to sell it. Also when I finished paying off the costs for the funeral, the money that is left over I would like to donate to the Justin Cowboy Crisis Fund. I noticed that that was a foundation Seth made monthly donations to, and it's for a good cause."
"Bella, if you don't mind, I would like the farm, I would like for it to stay in the family." Leah spoke up.
"No problem, please give me a couple weeks to gather my things." She nodded at me and I signed the paperwork stating that Leah now owned the farm. They all agreed to where the money should be donated.
By the end of February I was mentally and physically exhausted. Seth and I decided to hold off on our engagement, Seth's death, my accident, moving out of the farm, donating over $125,000 to the Justin Cowboy Crisis fund and finally, my last goodbye to Seth at the funeral.
I awoke that morning not wanting to move, but knowing that I had to. Today I would say a final goodbye to Seth. I pulled myself up out of bed, and went through my morning routine. When I got to the funeral home, I walked to the casket that held Seth. We had dressed him in his wranglers, boots, and a nice western shirt, but there was something else I needed him to rest in piece with, my engagement ring. I slipped it into his front pocket and silently said "I love you Seth, I'm just sorry I couldn't love you enough." I sat in the chairs for the family and close friends. As the service went on, Leah got up and talked.
This is indeed a sad day for all of us. We have lost such a great person. I think sharing our grief would help us ease our burdens. My brother may have meant something to each and every one of you, personally, he was my guardian angel. I remember when we were in school he often got into fights because of me. People used to tease me and he didn't want to see me get hurt so he tried to protect me. He is also the only person I could confide in. I could talk to him about anything because he never judged or scolded me. He always has some great advice ready for me. He had this trait where he could always turn a dull party around.
My brother was such a character. He knew how to be serious at times and he also knew when to joke around. As a friend he was also very dear. He always found time to be with his friends. He was a very loyal and kind friend. He was also very polite; he was the kind of man who always opened doors for ladies. He could be very immature at times but that's just because he was still a child inside a young man's body.
I know my brother left lots of things undone and others that he never had a chance to start. I remember one of our talks growing up, we talked about death and how our funerals should be. My brother didn't like to see people cry, especially his family. We only talked about this as a joke and now I realize why he mentioned it. He told me he wanted to have rides at his funeral or anything that would make people happy. I jokingly answered him that I could easily arrange for it but I'd have to face mom's wrath. He just answered "that'll no longer be my problem". That talk happened just last month. Let's just be thankful for all the special moments that my brother has left us. And with that, I hope that my brother will continue to live on within our hearts and minds.
By the time she was done talking, I couldn't control the sob that broke through me. The service was over shortly after followed by the burial.
I was back to living with my dad and my horses where back to being boarded at Cullen Farms. This was my clean slate. I was starting over. I wasn't going to regret anything from now on, and I wasn't going to be a coward about my decisions. Seth's death and my wreck made me wake up. It was time for me to grow up and act like the nineteen year old I was.
I decided that it was time to get back in the arena, so Edward and I started back on our regular practice schedule. We were going to finish this season off right. At first being around Edward was a little weird for me, after all Seth told me right before he died that he knew I still love Edward.
By the end of the rodeo session, Edward and I had gotten close. He would hold my hand once in a while, or kiss me on the cheek, he even offered to travel to Nebraska to help me move. We finished out the season in fourth place for team roping earning us some money. I was leaving for Nebraska in two days, and Alice was throwing a going away party. I dressed in a simple pair of light jeans, a blue thank top, my camo boots and a necklace that had Cowgirl on it. I drove out to the Cullen's house where Alice was having the party. Before I could even shut my truck off, Alice came bouncing up to me.
"Bella! Yay your here!" She yelled.
"Uh, yeah Alice, you threatened that if I didn't show up you were gonna beat me." I laughed at the image of Alice trying to beat me up.
"Yes, well, were all going to miss you. Make sure you keep Edward in line driving out there. I know this is a great opportunity for you!" We had entered the the barn and everyone greeted me and gave me a hug. We talked and ate lots of food and snacks. I was truly going to miss everyone, but this was something I couldn't pass up. I mean come on, training horses at one of the top barns in the USA. I'd be a fucking moron if I turned it down.
Before I knew it, I was picking up my horses along with Edward to make the drive to Nebraska. The drive was long, but comfortable. Edward and I talked along the way and got to know somethings that we didn't know about each other. As I was getting ready to pull into the drive way of Jami's, a song came on so I slowed down so I could listen to it.
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?
Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?
If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothing stand in your way
'Cause the hands of time are never on your side
If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?
When the song ended, I knew that the past was history. And today was the start of a new tomorrow.
The last couple of months have been hard on Bella. I could tell she was blaming herself for Seth's death. I didn't want to move onto her, because I knew she wasn't ready. Driving to Nebraska with her was probably the best thing I could have done. I was able to get close to her, and I didn't know when I would get to see her next. When we were almost there, a Nickelback song came on. By the end of the song, Bella seemed finally at peace with herself. Listening to the song, I knew that if today was my last day, I wouldn't be ready. I decided that before my plane left to take me back to Forks, I would tell Bella how I felt. When we pulled up by the barn, we were met with a shorter lady. She was probably the same size as Bella, with shorter dark hair and hazel eyes.
"Bella, so glad you made it safely!" The woman said.
"Thank you Jami. We didn't have any problems. This is a good friend of mine Edward, Edward this is my new boss Jami." Bella said. I stepped forward and shook her hand.
"Well, lets get your horses unloaded and settled in, then we will show you the apartment you will be living in."
After we got the horses settled in, I helped Bella move what little stuff she brought with her into her new apartment. We spend the next day walking around where she was going to be living at, and getting settled in. I was leaving tomorrow morning, so I told Bella I would make dinner tonight. I ended up making us lasagna for dinner. We ate and then I cleaned up. Bella was getting ready for bed and I knew it was now or never.
"Bella, can I talk to you for a minute?" She sat down on the couch and nodded for me to continue. "Bella that song song that we listened to right before we got here, it got me thinking. When you told me that you loved me then left, I felt a pain in my chest, and at first I didn't know what caused it. The more I got to thinking about it, I knew what was causing it."
"Edward, what in the world are you talking about?" Bella asked.
"What I'm saying Bella, is that I love you!"
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