Chapter Fourteen

Bella 

Over the last couple of weeks, I felt… nothing. I felt a dull pain in my chest, but I could ignore that. I finally felt how I wanted to, or I guess you could say how I didn't want to.

Since I moved here, it felt like my life was moving on; almost like I was supposed to forget about the wreck that killed my family and just move on.

But for the last couple of weeks, everything caught up. Being around Leah didn't make me feel like a bitch, or that I could move on.

I felt numb, like life wasn't worth living. I was going to have deep scars on my thighs, but I didn't care. The only thing besides numbness I wanted to feel was pain.

The only time I felt something besides numbness and pain was when Jared was around. When I was around him I felt myself trying not to smile.

I couldn't be around him. He just made my body fight against myself, and I couldn't handle it. When he asked that simple question, I lost it.

"Why, Bella?" I turned around to face him so fast; I almost lost my footing in the sand.

"Why? You want to know why? I lost my entire family, and it's my fault. Then James, oh James. Why did you have to save me? Why didn't you protect yourself?" I screamed. I could feel myself starting to lose it. "He just had to save me. I loved him so much. He was my everything! If I hadn't of wanted to go to that party they would still be here, and I wouldn't be stuck here, in Podunkville! Then I wouldn't have to look at you! I hate you for the way you make me feel! I hate you for thinking you could hold me and everything will be fine. I hate you for caring. I fucking hate you for making me want to stop doing this. But most of all, I really fucking hate you for making me want to move forward, like this shitty fucking life is worth living for!"

"You didn't answer why." He simply stated. I knew what he was asking, and if he wanted the fucking answer, I'd give it to him.

"Why, because it's the only fucking thing in my life I have control over! I can control the pain my body goes through. I can control how often I feel that physical pain. When I feel the cold blade touch my warm skin, I know everything will be just fine, even if for a few minutes. I love the pain that I get when the blade pushes down into my skin and drags along. I love the way my skin spreads to let the blood push forward."

"Bella let me help you." He spoke so quietly, almost whispering while he walked towards me. I felt my body, heard my body, begging me to move, to walk towards him. I wanted his warm arms wrapped around me. I felt even more betrayed by my body when he kissed me, and I felt myself start to mold to his body. This only pissed me off even more, and I showed him that, as I brought my arm back and punched the fucker.

"Didn't I tell you that if you ever touched me again, I would cut your dick off and feed it to the wolves?" I screamed. My lungs filled with air, but it didn't help; it made it worse. It felt like my lungs froze up. Fire burned its way up my leg, all the way to my heart. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't do a damn thing. I saw the darkness working its way to me as I heard someone let out this God awful scream. I welcomed the darkness and felt my legs give out.

"Mr. Call, it has been brought to my attention, that you are Ms. Dwyer's imprint, is this correct?" I heard someone faintly ask. What the fuck is imprint? Who's Mr. Call?

"Yes." I knew that voice!

"Well Jared, normally I wouldn't be able to give you any information," I heard a low growl. "However, due to the circumstances, Isabella's body was under a lot of stress. She lost some blood, and her blood pressure went up, this causing her to pass out. There are some issues I have as to how she got cuts, which resulted in her losing blood."

"I just found out about it, and trust me when I say it will not happen again." Jared growled.

"See that it doesn't, or I will have no choice but to take medical action." I heard another low growl and warmth wrapped around me. I let the darkness take me again.

I awoke to being overly hot. I tried to move away from the heat but was only pulled back into it. I groaned and tried again, but stopped immediately when I heard a growl.

"Don't move." I heard a grumble before I felt someone sniff me. I moaned and felt Jared roll his hips into my ass. Of course my body betrayed me, and I felt my underwear dampen a little bit.

"I gotta pee." I complained. I heard a chuckle and was released from the heat. I limped my way into the bathroom and pulled up a t-shirt that defiantly wasn't mine. When I saw my leg, I gasped a little bit. It was a deep angry looking red. I felt a tear roll down my cheek but couldn't understand why.

"It'll heal." I looked up to see Jared in the doorway with a sad look; he was looking at my legs. "It will all heal." I heard him mumble, almost like he was trying to convince himself.

"Why do you care?" I whispered. I could barely hear it, yet he looked up at him, like he heard it almost like I had screamed it.

"Bella, I care because, I lo… I just do ok?"

"No, no one is supposed to care about me! I sure as hell don't!" I screamed. "You don't fucking know me! You have no reason to care."

"Jared, I think now is the time." I looked behind him and saw Billy.

"No, she's not ready, her body isn't healed."

"It's either you tell her, or I will." Billy said before he closed the door. What in the hell was going on? Jared sighed and I looked at him.

"Tell me what?" I demanded.

"Bella, look, I don't know how to say this, but um, fuck." He stumbled. "Ok well, I guess I'll tell you the legends, since you didn't grow up here to hear them. Our ancestors say that we came from wolves. Well, that we shift from human to wolves to protect our people." I wanted to laugh, until I saw the look on his face, that he was dead serious. "Comes to find out, it's the truth. There's a group of us that turn into wolves, we protect our people."

I knew I believed him. I had noticed his friends; their size, their hearing, the way they eat. Then I busted out laughing.

"Bella, this isn't funny."

"I said I would cut your dick off and feed it to the wolves. And if you think about it, your friends are the wolves, so they'd eat your dick." I busted out again.

"I guess I could see your point."

Then I remember what I heard. "Mr. Call, it has been brought to my attention, that you are Ms. Dwyer's imprint, is this correct?"

"Jared, what's an imprint?" Just that one word and he stopped laughing.

"Where did you hear that word?"

"When I woke up, someone said that they could tell you about my condition because you were my imprint."

"Forget about it." He mumbled, and turned to walk out. I grabbed his arm, and felt the heat roll off his body.

"Tell me." I demanded.

Jared sighed, defeated. "Imprinting is where a wolf finds their soul-mate. They can be whatever is needed, whether it's a friend, brother or lover. The wolf has to be around their imprint and cannot refuse them, however the imprinted can refuse the imprinter."

"If that's true, and you say I'm your imprint that means you're my soul mate?" I asked. He nodded his head, stating that was the truth. I fell to the floor, tears strolling down my face.

James was my soul mate, not Jared. I loved James, not Jared. James was my forever. This had to be some joke, a bet, something, but I knew it had to be a fucking lie.

"Why would you lie about some shit like that Jared? I don't love you, I love James. What sick twisted shit are you trying to pull? Are you trying to be the first to fuck me? Paul is always staring at me like he is mentally fucking me and now this?" I saw him start to physically shake and took a step back. The back of my legs hit something, and I fell. I looked to see what I fell on and wanted to laugh. Grand, I fell on the toilet and my life is going to shit, ironic much?

"Bella, why would I lie about something like this? You think I chose to imprint on you? The girl that came to La Push broken, hating the world? The girl who has to hurt her fucking self to feel anything. The girl that would rather have her dead boyfriend, then her fucking soul mate, which by the way is standing right in front of her, and the one girl that is a constant fucking bitch to everyone around her, just so she can cause others the pain she is in? Trust me Bella when I say, I have nothing to gain from lying to you. Fuck! I probably have nothing to gain from telling you the truth either. Fate chose you and me as soul mates, Bella! Maybe if you would take your head out of your ass long enough to look around, you would see that people care about you!" He screamed at me.

"I hate you." I said simply.

"Oh, you've made that perfectly fucking clear!"

I wanted to cry; I wanted to scream, but most of all, I wanted to go back to sleep, and never wake up. "Don't even fucking think about it!" I looked to where he was pointing, and didn't even notice my hand moving towards the blade. I quickly snapped it back and crossed my arms over my chest; just feeling the fire take over my body.

"If you feel that way, then leave. Walk out that door, and never fucking look back!" I screamed. I saw pain flash across his face, but I couldn't take the words back, or maybe it was I wouldn't.

"Bella, is that what you want?" He sounded so broken, not the strong man that spoke to me just moments ago.

"Yes, you have made it clear you hate me. You are no longer stuck around me, leave!" I screamed.

I watched as he nodded his head. I watched as he turned his back to me. I watched as he walked away from me, out of the room and out of my life.

I'm not sure how long I sat there, staring at where I had seen Jared last. Hell, I'm not even sure if I blinked, let alone breathe. I do know, however, my body was stiff from sitting for so long.

"Isabella Marie Dwyer!" I looked up to see a very pissed off looking Leah.

"What?" I snapped. Wrong thing to do!

"Don't even give me that fucking attitude. I will totally smack it off your face!" She growled. What the fuck!

I'm not afraid of many things, as I have been through hell and back, but at this moment, the look in Leah's eyes, had me scared shitless.

"Care to explain to me, why Jared just walked out of here like someone killed his puppy?"

"Leave me alone, I don't want to talk about it." I mumbled.

"To fucking bad! Talk . . . Now!" She demanded.

"Fine!" I huffed. "He came in here and told me about him and his friends turning into wolves. Okay I get that. His friends are fucking huge, I can see it. But then, he pulls this bullshit about imprinting, this whole finding your soul mate bullshit. Do I really look that fucking stupid?" I looked up from my hands and saw Leah shaking.

"You rejected him?" She screamed.

"He's not my soul mate! My fucking soul mate died in a car wreck! Remember?" I screamed.

"Bella, answer this question for me." She said calmly. Fuck! The calm before a storm! "When you're not around Jared, how do you feel?"

I was shocked by her questioning. How did I feel? I knew I felt empty, I felt numb, but I had welcomed it. I wanted the numb feeling.

"I can see the answer on your face. Bella, when you're not around your imprint, you feel like you're missing something. You feel numb, yet there is a pain in your chest. The longer you're away from your imprint, the worse the pain gets. But, man, when you're around your imprint, the world is right. Nothing can stand in your way. You want to be in his arms, and never leave, because you feel safe, warm, loved, protected. Your wolf would die, if it meant that you were able to live."

"Leah, you sound like you know from experience."

"I do. But mine is so much stronger. Bella, I phased and became a wolf. Paul imprinted on me, and I imprinted on him. I got past all the hurt in my life, just so I could be happy with my wolf. Bella think about it. But you do need to know, without your wolf, you both will slowly die. You need each other like you need the air you breathe."

"But I will tell you, Jared loves you. He wouldn't leave your side for the two days you were out. I can see it in his eyes when he talks about you, even more so when he looks at you. You are his air, his food, his water, his reason for living. There is a reason fate brought you together. It might have been a shitty way, but there was reason behind it. Sometimes, it best to let the past stay right where it is; in the past. You have to move on, soon." After that she walked out of the bathroom and I just sat there and watched as yet another person left me sitting in this exact spot.

I got up and walked back to my bed and laid down. I brought my pillow to me to hug it, and I smelled Jared.

Could I do as Leah said and did? I knew what she was talking about. I felt it when he was around me or gone. I knew of the pain, of the numbness. I felt everything she described. And I even felt the love, but I was scared. James was my forever, my soul mate. Or so I thought.

But that's just it, James was my forever, was as in the past. Everything was in my past, except for this moment. The moment where Jared told me that fate had made me his soul mate, his forever. Who was I to take that away from him? To possibly kill him, and in the end, kill myself.

I could feel the pain before anyone spoke to me. I felt that fate was once again going to fuck with my life.

"Bella! What the fuck did you do to my brother?" I heard a man scream. I looked up, tears already rolling down my face.

"I didn't do anything." I sobbed out.

"Bullshit! He got in his car with all his shit and left!"

I cried even harder as he said that. I figured out Jared was telling the truth, and he left. I fell to the floor and curled in on myself. Then, the worse pain I could have imagined spread through me. I felt as if fire and ice were fighting for dominance in my veins.

"Jared!" I screamed out. I once again let darkness take hold of me. I awoke to my door being banged open

"Bella… It's Jared. We just found Jared's car, it was rolled, but we can't find Jared." Sam said frantically